We all know about the five ‘love languages’ – whether from consuming one too many ‘cosmopolitan’ magazine articles in dentist waiting rooms, or from genuine curiosity as to how we might be hardwired when it comes to luuuurv. Perhaps you’ve even taken the quiz, either as the just very interested partner, or the sort-of-coerced-into-it and not-really-bothered partner, within a relationship!
But, for those of you who may be unfamiliar: the ‘languages’ are the five ways people ‘love’, as categorised by marriage counsellor Gary Chapman in the early 90s. So, of the five categories – ‘words of affirmation’, ‘quality time’, ‘physical touch’, ‘acts of service’, or ‘gift giving’ – the theory is that you have one or two ‘top’ love languages through which you best show love to others, and feel most loved by them back. Now, though I claim no expertise in the area (as I’m sure my somewhat turbulent romantic past can attest to), I do feel one crucial ‘love language’ has perhaps been overlooked: the giving and receiving of music recommendations.
Because, to be loved is to be known and understood. To be familiar with someone’s inner world, and to have them be resident in yours. And music’s part to play? Well, as any millennial Pinterest ✨quotes✨ board will gladly inform you, music truly is the window to the soul. Nothing is quite as intimate as being privy to someone’s ‘sad songs’ playlist, or knowing exactly what song is playing in their headphones as they walk down Market Street on an especially sunny day (mine is ‘I Can’t Wait’ by the Sundays, in case you were wondering!) Knowing someone’s music taste enough to recommend similar songs you think they’d like, is knowing someone inside out. And knowing someone inside out – that’s love.
Such is why I’d like to make the case for giving/receiving music recommendations to be the sixth ‘love language’. By sending someone a link to a song and a text message saying, “I heard this song and thought you!”, you might as well be asking for their hand in marriage. You’re telling them that they’re on your mind, that you care about them, and that you’re willing to take precious time out of your day to listen to a song and text them about it! The same goes for the opposite, as there is no purer joy felt than upon receiving a text that says, “I think you’ll like this song – it’s very you…”, and attached is a song that is, indeed, very you! It makes you feel cared for, appreciated, and loved.
Also, giving and receiving music recommendations makes for the perfect love language, as it allows you to show and feel love across the barriers of time and space. Want to show your best friend some love but they’re bogged down by revision in the library? Send them a song recommendation and a quick “thought you might like this” via text message, for them to see once they turn their ‘do not disturb’ off and re-enter civilisation! Or, in a long distance relationship that spans several time zones (an issue it seems many of St Andrews’ trans-Atlantic couples face come summer break)? Have them send you their favourite song, and it’ll be as if they’re right there with you when you listen to it. Or, if you’re like me and currently a plane ride away from home, and you swear you never get homesick but maybe just slightly sometimes… a text message and accompanying song recommendation from a parent can do you a world of good! Although, employ the latter at your own risk – walking hurriedly home from a lecture with tears rolling down your face as Paul Simon’s ‘Father and Daughter’ plays in your ears at the recommendation from your dad is, from personal experience, not a particularly good look.
Finally, in keeping with the mildly embarrassing personal anecdotes, this love language can truly help a loved one in their hour of need. For instance, though I have simultaneously never felt more personally attacked, being recommended Fenne Lily’s ‘Berlin’ by my friend Mathilda, its chorus almost mantra-like in its repetition of the lyrics, ‘It’s not hard to be alone anymore’ was a true godsend following my on-and-off-again-relationship’s final break up! Conversely, if I’m trying to make a loved one feel better after a rubbish day, my preferred method will always be to send them a song recommendation – which will occasionally be of a happy, uplifting nature, but more often than not something à la Phoebe Bridger’s ‘Moon Song’, just to show them I’m right down there with them.
So, maybe Shakespeare was on to something with his whole “if music be the food of love” thing. Giving music recommendations to others is the ideal way to show them you love them, and upon receiving recommendations back, the perfect way to feel loved too – so why not try it today? Below, I’ve compiled a list of the top three music recommendations I’ve given and received (lifted straight from iMessage for historical accuracy) either to provide some inspiration, or just to further spread the love. Happy listening!
Top 3 music recommendations I’ve received:
- ‘Bad Cover Version’ by Pulp – “finding this song SO sexy, think you might like it?” – Mathilda Singer (friend)
- ‘I Never Asked to Be Your Mountain’ by Tim Buckley – “this is the song I think you would like – very jangly” – Mathilda Singer (friend) (again)
- ‘Father and Daughter’ by Paul Simon – “Just listened to this and it made me think of you…” – John-Paul Barker (dad)
Top 3 music recommendations I’ve given:
- ‘Mythologize Me’ by Eliza McLamb – “I think you would like this song” – to Milly Smith (friend)
- ‘Rhymes Like Dimes’ by MF Doom – “this one groovy especially” – to Peter Napier (friend)
- ‘Back To the Radio’ by Porridge Radio – “I think this song / band is like a mixture between BCNR when the girl sings and Wolf Alice – you’d like” – to Mathilda Singer (friend)
